sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
