rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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