Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
