why didn't you poke me back
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
