as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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