I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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