The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
