Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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