listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
