So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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