imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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