But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You pole danced in your parka.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize