yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
