we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Randomize
