epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
