i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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