The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
