Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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