im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Crop dusting thru forever 21
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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