remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
