drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
