So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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