yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
