I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
