There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
