i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
