I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
