He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
