Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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