Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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