we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
