As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
