"it" just moved
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
