I can't breathe out the right side of my face
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I didn't notice because vodka
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
