ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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