I'm lost and stupid without you.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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