Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
