Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
