hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It was like giving head to a cactus.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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