She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
