How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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