Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
