plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
