Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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