Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
