glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
