i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize