Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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