i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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