My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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