i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
