did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
