Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
