So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
