I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
