There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
