yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Randomize
