Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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