Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
