I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
