My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
