idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
