just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
