life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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