i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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