based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
