i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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