I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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