who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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