if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
