Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
