Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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