I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
