The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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