I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize