I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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