Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
