i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
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