I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
