I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i came on her dog
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
