sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
