I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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