This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
