3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
