dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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