Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
