Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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